How to Deal With Emotional Pain and Avoid Overcontrolled Coping

We can gravitate towards overcontrol in response to painful and uncomfortable emotions. Overcontrol occurs when we engage in behaviors that seek to control our emotions, external or internal triggers, environmental circumstances. This can look like refusing to go to certain places even if you want to, emotionally shutting off and intellectualizing in response to conflict, creating rigid goals and timelines for goals. One of the most common behaviors of overcontrol is compulsive rumination. Compulsive rumination on its surface looks like excessive worrying, or “thinking something to death”. Compulsive rumination can feel like driving a mental train down a very familiar track of thoughts, attempting to predict future events or problems, attempting to solve every possible problem.